Hey it's me, how are you all doing? What surprised I'm alive I know it's only been about five months since my last journal. Okay so I normally don't like posting journals because I don't like wasting peoples time with my bull but I....I just need to vent. I'm stressed, like more stressed then I have been about anything in a long ass time. I don't know where to start I just have to much that I'm going through without even fucking going through anything. I've been worried sick about two people that are close to me and are going through there own terrible situations, but inadvertently I just caused more stress to one of them because I'm stressed out and said something fucking stupid to try and calm them down which I don't know why because it's something I hate saying to anyone but I thought I would calm them a little bit. I also would like to point out I was almost to the point of tears because I was so worried about them and now I'm still on the verge after were done talking. On top of that I'm worried sick about someone who just came back into my life even though I'm sure they don't realize it. On top of that I have an idiot who's gonna get himself killed if I'm not looking after him which is becoming increasingly difficult. On top of that I'm being threatened to be kicked out of my house because I don't make enough money at he job I'm working, all the while my parents are fucking fools who made a mistake that's probably gonna cost us our house anyways, a mistake I've disowned and refuse to take any responsibility for. All the god damn while I've only been getting about two hours sleep because of worrying and having to take care of things, and when I can fall asleep people don't respect me enough to let me stay that way. While I'm also worrying because I fond out I might have fucking cancer along with a permanently damaged eye and spine. Also I'm getting fucking sick again. I'm still not done, all this time I'm listening and watching as all people do is bitch and moan about "Boys, Girls, Cold, Hot, Blah, Meh, Geh." Shut the fuck up I'm sick of your bullshit ass garbage when I have my own fucking problems and I have two friends with real fucking problems I'm trying to take care of. All the while I'm trying to fit time in with friends who I feel are annoyed when I brush them off to take care of other friends, which isn't the case. Also I might have been the accomplice to ruining two relationships, one from running my mouth and one because someone was trying to get on mine because I was trying to help them through some relationship problems and ratted them out. So I feel just fucking peachy about that. My fucking teeth are killing me as well after I slammed my head into a metal beam, so I need to go to the dentist and get violated that way. Oh yeah my keyboard is destroyed so this is all being typed out on a on screen keyboard. And to make everything better I think I'm having the worst case of Loneliness related depression I've had in a long god damn time. And....fuck it I'm sure you don't want to hear me ramble on more.
All I want to say before I go is, if your blaming yourself for anything wrong with me just stop, especially the two that I'm trying to help through there problems, I want to help you and if I wasn't buried under 1000 other things it wouldn't even be a big deal, just both of you know that despite all that's wrong with me I still care. And to the one who I said stupid things to...I really can't do any other than apologize and hope you forgive me. I'm going to go fucking cry in a damn corner now, I'm tired, upset, lonely, frustrated, sore, sick, broken, angry, cold, and fucking hopeless at the moment. And I understand if you don't care I usually just write these to vent. I don't expect anyone to legitimately care about me.